While the summer brings warm temperatures, lots of outdoor activities and a better quality of life to Chicago, it also brings construction projects, special events and temporary tow zones.

Often, there is no formal warning until a white or orange sign pops up on a sign post or tree, on a wall or a parking meter.

You have to keep an eye out or your vehicle may magically disappear and/or be ticketed.

SPECIAL EVENTS

Special events consist of athletic events (running races, bike races, charity walks, etc.), parades, block parties, etc.

These events seem to be the most aggressively enforced temporary tow zones where you are ticketed and towed. I believe it’s because these special event routes can be so long there is the potential for ticketing and towing hundreds of vehicles and therefore generate tens of thousands of dollars of dirty cold cash for the the greedy whore that is the city of Chicago.

It’s $50 for the violation (municipal code 9-64-041) and $110 for the tow, with the possibility of additional fees. OUCH!

A year ago, hundreds of cars were towed along the route of the annual Ravenswood Run, and Bucktown 5K. Most of the understandably pissed off motorists that were towed, complained that there were not signs where they parked to alert them of the event. So you not only have to be watch out for signs, but be aware of upcoming events that may affect your parking situation.

More recently, the organizers of Taste of Lincoln Ave., had the forethought to flier cars parked on the many blocks of streets adjoining the area of Lincoln Ave., where parking would be prohibited because of their event. This was done many days in advance and is to me, the way things should be done.

Keep an eye out for signs and fliers like this. Mark it on the calendar, and make sure your car is not parked where it shouldn’t be, before special events.

MOVIE LOCATION

Last year, when my arch enemy Johnny Depp was in town filming Michael Mann’s Public Enemies all over town, it seemed like the entire damn city was a movie location. Before that, Christian Bale, Heath Ledger and pals were filming The Dark Knight in Chicago.

This year, film production has been a lot lighter.

No matter what, you need to avoid these areas on the street around movie locations, and find a temporary parking place for your vehicle until these smarmy Hollywood types discover another city to where they can film their moving picture shows.

My advice? If you see Johnny Depp, Christian Bale or any other Hollywood types hanging around, park your car somewhere else.

The alternative is to be towed and ticketed.

CONSTRUCTION PROJECTS

When it comes to construction projects via CDOT, Dept. of Water Management, etc., things are a bit more relaxed.

For example, you can get towed if you don’t heed the signs for a construction project, but they are not going to tow you to a city auto-pound. Instead, they will relocate your vehicle down the street or around the block from where you were parked.

According to Brian Steele from the Chicago Dept. of Transportation, you will not be ticketed if your vehicle is towed and relocated–at least for CDOT projects. One would assume it is the same for similar construction projects.

“Vehicles are only relocated if they are parked in the way of construction,” explained Steele via e-mail. “On the majority of our projects, relocations aren’t necessary. When we do need to relocate, usually just one or two vehicles are involved.”

Steele recommends, if you think your car was relocated and for some odd reason, you can’t find it, just give 311 a call.

GEEK ADVICE

Check the dates on the signs. It can be as short as one day and as long as several months. Normally, it’s for a duration of a week or under. But read the sign in full to see what the start date and end dates are. Usually these signs are posted a few days ahead of time to give you ample warning. So take the time to carefully read the signs. Note the dates AND times of enforcement. Make note of both.

It makes sense to park around the corner or block so you don’t have to worry about moving your vehicle in the morning. But if you don’t want to do that, make sure your ass is out of bed early enough in the morning to move your car.

The times of enforcement are as early as 7:00 AM and as late as 4:30 PM. In between those times, feel free to park there. But make sure you are up early enough in the morning to avoid the headaches of having your car relocated, towed and/or ticketed.

If you do get towed, after you put your fist through a wall, pull out your hair in clumps and shriek in rage like Ronnie Woo-Woo off his meds, I would advise taking a Xanax and reading the Geek’s Ultimate Internet Reference Guide To Getting Towed By The City Of Chicago.