“Daddy, what’s a douche bag?”, my nine year old daughter asked me as we pulled into the parking lot at Jewel on Sunday.

I had just muttered the word under my breath to myself and hoped, even as the inartfully chosen word was escaping my lips, my two children had not heard it.

“That’s a good question honey,” I choked out, scrambling to come up with a definition that would both explain it and somehow, magically erase the word from her vocabulary. “It means someone being naughty or acting like a jerk. It’s another word for being a goof.”

“Who’s a jerk?”, my five year old son chimed in, as this conversation began going from bad to worse. Ugh.

“Look over here,” I directed the kids as they got out of the car gesturing toward a black pickup truck. “Look how this person parked their car.”

I pointed out to the kids that instead of pulling straight into the parking spot and between the painted lines this naughty driver decided to park at an angle and take up three full spaces of an nearly full parking lot for some unknown selfish reason.

After explaining why this was a jerk move to the kids, I got even angrier. I went back to the car and dug up a piece of paper and a pen and decided to write this a-hole a note.

“What are you doing, Daddy?” the boy implored.

“I’m writing a note telling the person who parked this truck he’s a jerk,” I said.

“Daddy! You’re not supposed to call people bad names,” my little girl exclaimed. “That’s not nice.”

My daughter’s admonition softened the message I originally intended to write.

“You parked like a goof–learn how to park,” my note read.

I placed it on the windshield, under the wiper blades while my daughter chided me again.

“You can’t do that Daddy!”, she said shrilly her voice rising in wide eyed excitement. “You’re going to go to jail!”

I laughed, shaking my head as we walked into the grocery store.

For whatever reason, jack ass fools who park like this really bug me. Either they don’t care their careless parking takes away a finite number of parking spots from others or they think their car or truck is so awesome, they are worried someone might ding their door.

If you are really afraid of being having your car damaged then park at the very far end of the lot and walk.

Whatever the case, I have no tolerance for such selfish morons.

In this case, my assumption about the pathetic nature of this person was confirmed twice over. First, by the way the driver mounted their city sticker on their windshield–it was sideways. Sure, a minor thing, but in my opinion, indicative of a person who doesn’t like to follow society’s rules.

But as me and my two kids were checking out, one final act by this driver confirmed they were a Grade A ass clown.

I happened to look up as I was pulling a bag of ice out of the freezers located at the front of the store and saw the driver pulling out of their space forward leaving behind their empty shopping cart in the parking lot aisle blocking other cars trying to park.

Yes, this person was such a self centered lazy moron, he or she couldn’t walk the cart the 15 feet into the cart corral or even just shove it out of the way of other drivers.

Perhaps, in the greater scheme of the universe, stuff like this doesn’t really matter. But how we human beings act towards each other does have an aggregate impact on our society in my opinion.  And that even means how we act while driving and parking.

My daughter is much nicer than I am. My two kids make me a better person.

But I should have left a meaner note.