Celebrate Earth Day By Driving Your Car
Today is Earth Day.
Celebrate it in style by driving your car, preferably an older model that burns a lot of gasoline, to view the beauty that is the earth.
Drive to see all the black and beautiful asphalt paved highways and byways.
Drive to see the handsome, muscled Chicago skyline and glistening azure of Lake Michigan.
Drive to see the verdant farm fields and beautiful lush forests outside the city.
Drive to celebrate the modern automobile that has given the gift of freedom and personal mobility to the common man to see and appreciate the earth. A gift of freedom that would never existed without the car.
Because, the reality is, there is no such thing as global warming. It’s a myth. A myth based on a false premise, and supported by a multitude of faked data constructed by alleged scientists, policy wonks and hippies, to scare the American citizen and enrich it’s conspirators.
A conspiracy meant to deprive you of your right to drive your car.
The truth is, a new ice age is imminent.
What we need is MORE driving not less.
Fight back and send a message. Do your part by driving your car and “warming” the environment.
I got a myth for ya: You’re riding across the arctic in your brand new Hummer when suddenly the weight of the gigantic truck (along with your enormous Republican Ass) plunges through the rapidly thinning ice sheet into the frigid arctic waters.
Hmmm…maybe Al Gore was right, you think: That ice was much, much thinner than expected…No, it can’t be: just as Science Wiz Sean Hannity predicted, the water is still unexpectedly cold, and you begin shivering uncontrollably as ice crystals literally start forming in your flesh within seconds of contact with the super-cooled ocean waters.
If only you could live just a little bit longer–just enough to write the Morning Joe Show to say that they really were right after all: There really isn’t Global Warming! It’s just a big hoax perpetuated by scientists who hate America, but probably pay their parking fines on time! Yea America! U.S.A! U.S.A!
Then a Polar Bear crushes your skull in its mouth.
How’s that?
In 10 years, when the glaciers start growing, and a new ice age threatens humanity, Park District Sargent Bob will be one of the first people crying for his Mama and complaining in his shrill girl-like voice, “why didn’t the government do anything?!?”
But by then, all the alleged “scientists,” who have abandoned logic, reason and true scientific methodologies in an effort to make a quick buck and hang out with “cool” guys like Al Gore, will have made their millions and be lounging on a beach near the equator, far from the pathetic cries of your shrill annoying voice.